The greatest taboo in India is speaking honestly about family: Abhigyan Jha

Mumbai:

Producer Abhigyan Jha, who has written films like Krishna Cottage and created shows like Movers & Shakers, Jay Hind!, Qubool Hai 2.0, Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak, and Janani – AI Ki Kahani, to name some, and is currently headlining Fsex – The Free Speech Experiment, is not against a joint family, but he believes there can be nothing better than a nuclear family if one wants to grow and progress. He stressed that even today parents have the right to control their kids, but the kids can neither say nor go against their parents because then it will be the end of the world for them.

He said, “There’s something deeply broken in our culture that we don’t want to admit. It’s not the politicians. It’s not the education system. It’s not even religion. The biggest censorship in India, in my opinion, is family. More specifically, the collective refusal to question it. Let me start with something basic. Why is joking about parents still such a big deal in this country? Ranveer (Allahbadia) made a few off-color remarks about his parents, and the internet exploded. Why? Were they in bad taste? Maybe. But that’s a matter of subjective sensibility. The real issue is deeper: we’ve been trained to believe that parents—and by extension, family—are beyond reproach. Sacred. Like gods.”

“Let me say it plainly: they are not. In India, we are culturally programmed never to speak against our parents. Even if they’ve made a mess of our lives. Even if they’ve been controlling, oppressive, regressive, or emotionally unavailable. No matter what, we’re supposed to shut up, touch their feet, and respect them. Meanwhile, they’re allowed to criticize us, dictate our choices, and destroy our peace—often for life,” he added.

Giving his own example, Abhigyan shared that he has always spoken openly about the flaws in his parents and added, “I’ve never understood why people are shocked by that. I’m not insulting them—I’m acknowledging that they’re human, that they’ve made mistakes, and that I’ve had to deal with those mistakes. That honesty is how growth begins.”

He further said, “But in India, honesty about family is taboo. Especially about mothers. Say anything that remotely sounds like criticism of your mother, and you’re considered an ungrateful traitor.”

He asks how many Indian parents actually treat their children like individuals and how many Indian children have the courage to say, “I disagree”? He said, “The moment you value your birth over your choices, you’re no longer modern. That’s not progress—that’s feudalism. Our entire caste system is based on this: that where you’re born matters more than who you become. Family, religion, and identity by birth are all remnants of a feudal mindset.”

“Even today, I hear young people saying things like, ‘My father won’t allow me to study this,’ or ‘What will I tell my mother if I marry this person?’ These aren’t people in rural villages. These are young adults in cities like Mumbai and Delhi, earning their own money, navigating a world their parents barely understand. Yet, their lives are still being authored by someone else’s expectations,” he added.

However, Abhigyan believes that the cycle continues even when one becomes a parent and starts mimicking what happened with them. “You become a father and suddenly believe you must behave like your father did. The freedom you craved, you now deny to your own child. Why? Because you’re role-playing. You’re censoring yourself—and in doing so, teaching your child to censor themselves too. We’ve confused tradition with truth. We’ve mistaken obedience for respect. And we’ve glorified the joint family system as some sacred, ancient wisdom, when in fact, it’s often a machinery of control,” he said.

“The only way forward is the nuclear family—your partner, your child, and the life you choose to build. Not the life inherited through guilt, manipulation, or duty. I’m not advocating for a society without family. On the contrary, I believe family is essential. But it should be the family you create, not the one you were born into. That’s your real responsibility. That’s your real choice. And until we start treating that choice as sacred, we will continue to live in quiet, inherited misery,” Abhigyan ended.